I wish I may, I wish I might, never leave Bombay - not even for a night!

Alas, my secret (or not so secret!) desire to never leave my beloved Bombay did not eventuate. As yet, no Bollywood film star has romantically danced across the sunset towards me with gallant proposals of a filthy rich life of luxury and Indian romance (teamed with vacations saving the poor of course). No Indian laws have changed making it possible for me to remain in Bombay indefinitely. And so, I had to pack up my bags, nauseously get into a black and yellow metal box on four wheels and depart my Indian home. But, I was not going down without a fight. Bombay, I was saying goodnight not goodbye.

And so, how to guarantee my return? I would have wished upon a star but my city's eye-stinging smog tends to hide even the brightest ball of solar fun. I hung around Shahrukh Khan's house (that's a blog in itself!) hoping to be cast in an upcoming film necessitating my return. (No film offers unfortunately - but have made great friends with his security guard which could be handy for future casting attempts.) As a true Bandra girl, I knew only one option remained - Mount Mary's.

YOU CAN SEE THE ACTUAL CHURCH IN MARY'S REFLECTION.

Mount Mary's is a beautiful catholic church in the leafy 'Queen of the Suburbs', my home turf, Bandra. Pilgrims come to visit Mary in the hope that she will grant them their most fervent desires. I learned quickly that worship is not done in a standard fashion on the Mount in Bandra. Wax is the way to Mary's heart. For a few rupees you can buy a wax figure of whatever it is your heart desires. A husband, new house, better intelligence, spare limbs, good health for a sick friend, a larger pair of breasts. All of life's necessities.

And so I bought my wax figurines and offered my gifts to Mary. And the whole time I tried to be a believer. Not a believer in Mary - I'm already strongly that - but a believer in the rs 30/- wax figurine that would bring me back to Bombay. I certainly haven't learnt in my time going to church that the way to get things you want is to flatter Mary with candles? But, it really works. It happened to a friend of a friend of mine. She got a husband, house and car all within one year. Mary was obviously feeling quite generous on that day. But the secret is, that you have to take it seriously. It is not something to be mocked. Or laughed at. And most importantly, you can't tell anyone what you asked Mary for. It's like blowing out the candles on your birthday cake - spill the beans and the birthday magic won't come true.

A PLANE TO TAKE ME HOME TO BOMBAY.

So let's just keep it a secret between you and I that I did mock this a teeny weeny bit. And yes, I may or may not have giggled while offering my wax figurine to the beautiful marble statue. And, oops, I've clearly told you what I asked Mary for. But hopefully, the key point will be that Mother Mary now knows what my deepest desires are and will grant them. I want to return to Bombay. (And I want a good looking, Bollywood husband!)